If you asked me to write my story 10 years ago it would have been so different …
What is clubfoot?
Clubfoot is a birth defect, the foot points down and inwards, and the soles of the feet face each other in 50% of cases both feet are affected in my case well both was effected.
Clubfoot can be mild or severe. If your child has clubfoot, it will make it harder to walk normally, so doctors generally recommend treating it soon after birth.
My mom and dad had no idea that I was going to be born with clubfoot.
25 years ago we didn’t have all the fancy scans we have today.
As a mother I can’t imagine that moment when I was born and doctors informed my parents there something wrong with her feet – as 1st time parents this must have been terrible yet they were so excited to hold me for the 1st time …
I don’t remember what happened to me the 1st 5 years of my life but I have been told I had my 1st operation when I was only 3months old.
I remember being a little girl driving to hospital at 5oclock the morning loving all the lights on the way yet filled with fear because in a few hours I will be in going to theatre.
My parents were always there and my amazing grandparents- I wasn’t always the nicest patient when waking up but they always came and made sure I was OK.
Was I OK well ….
As a school girl it was extremely difficult, I was called names the most awful names I was shy, I was ashamed of my legs and all my scars.
I hated all kinds of sports –never wore a dress shorter than my ankles.
Finding shoes was extremely hard and when I did find they never lasted longer than 3 months.
I use to think why can’t I be like my brother healthy and perfectly made?
I can’t recall the exact amount off operations I have had but I am pretty sure it’s close to 20.
In February 2013 I met my darling husband Adrian – when I was a young girl I always wondered what would my husband think one day when he saw all my scars? if we have kids what’s the possibility that they could be born with clubfoot?
Well now 6 years later I can answer both these questions. I have the most amazing supportive husband that has never looked at my feet different. He inspires me daily – he motivates me.
We have a perfectly healthy girl that will be turning 6 in November this year.
As I get older I realize more and more every day that my defect has made me grow as a person.
I’ve come to realize life is what you make off it – this doesn’t mean I don’t get upset because I am constantly in pain and that doctors have refused to see me due to not wanting to work on my complicated club foot.
BUT – I have purpose – I need to support my husband like he supports me, I need to be healthy and positive for him and my daughter. We have so many things we need to still do.
So what ahead of me? I don’t know …. for 6 years I was OK and slowly last year my ankle started aching and eventually ended up in surgery, for me -it’s worse than before surgery.
There’s not a minute of the day that it doesn’t ache, never mind what it looks like…
One thing I do know this is not the end I have the most amazing support system.
I live for my husband and daughter – and I will not give up I can’t!
When I look back I wish I didn’t have to experience all the mocking and hurt but I don’t think I would be the person I am today if it never happened to me.
On the 24th of April I saw yet another surgeon and was told my foot is damaged and I would never be able to have a normal foot …well I’ve always known that but nothing so heartbreaking than hearing it from a surgeon working with these defects for years. Every time I walk into a surgeon’s rooms I have this feeling of hope that perhaps they could help me this time around …
So what’s next – I will be seeing a neurosurgeon so that we can make sure my back is fine and not adding to the pain I am experiencing ….
Then well then I will be faced with probably the most important and toughest decision of my life.
Do I undergo another huge operation where there is no guarantee that it will work or do I go ahead and amputate my foot and ankle?
One thing I do know is I won’t lose hope and positivity is KEY.
To parents, family and fellow clubfoot humans – Nobody understand our struggle with pain and all the emotional issue attached to clubfoot but we are strong.